On Friday-night, July 11th, 2014, several months before I would again be eligible for parole release, I was on my knees crying out to God in anguish. My very closeness with Him, and the peace and joy that comes automatically when we line up our will with His, was actually driving a wedge between Himself and the men who needed Him the most... and I was that wedge.

     So I prayed:

     Oh Lord, my God! My very relationship with you is driving men away from you. In fact, my witness is a stumbling-block to everyone here.

     These men equate deliverance with getting out of prison –– I know that you have delivered me from myself, and from the power and the penalty of sin... I know that you have set me free while in prison, but they do not want to hear that...

     I have never asked you to get me out of here, because I am guilty and deserving of nothing more than spending the rest of my life in prison and then going straight to Hell. And Hell was my destiny and destination, but for Your Grace and Mercy and Love and Forgiveness...

     I have told you again, and again, that I will serve you no matter where I am, even if that means that I must stay in this dreadful place for the rest of my life, and that has not changed...

     My answer shall ever be Isaiah's when you ask, Whom shall we send, Who will go forth for us?" It shall ever be, "Here am I, Lord, send me."

     But Lord, my witness is no longer good here...  What would be a good witness – a great witness – is if you got me out of here in such a way that no one could doubt that it was anything but you that did it.

     That would be a great witness and proof to these men that you will deliver those that put their trust completely in you.

     So Lord, I am going to ask you, will you deliver me at this parole process?

     Before I could get the word ... process... completely spoken, my anxiety instantly disappeared, my mind became completely still, and God said, I WILL!

     While I did not hear an audible voice, the strength and the clarity of the thought was such that I knew –– that if this was God, then it was the small, still, yet powerful, voice that others speak of God using, but that I had never experienced.

     I was stunned. The abrupt stillness of my mind, coupled with this statement from God, sent my heartbeat off the charts. I had never in my life experienced anything like it but doubt leaped to the forefront of my mind.

     I had been in prison, continually for 3½ decades. Everyone, accept my Mother, believed that the State of Texas – because of my violent crime, my violence while in prison, and my smuggling marijuana and contraband into the prisons – would never allow me to leave...

     Even so, like the Apostle Paul, I had learned to be content in all places and things (Philippians 4:11-13), and I was truly grateful to God for having set me free spiritually, while in prison.

     There are a lot of seconds and minutes and hours and days and months and  years in 3½ decades, and I hated every second of cage dwelling... And, by the way, the seconds aren't your average tick-of-the-clock when you are forced to live in a cage; they're stretched long and hard... Time moves at a different, a crueler, pace when you're housed in a cage –– It just does.

     So, I am sure you can understand that when God spoke to me, my excitement and physical reaction were immediate... My heart racing, my emotions swirling upward, my mind stunned, yet wary and doubting, I continued my prayer:

     Oh Lord –– is that You? I want with every ounce of my being to believe that it is You, but I don't know if it's You, or if it's me, just wanting it so badly that I am attributing my own desire to coming from you...

     You know how much I have hated every single second of these 3½ decades of cage dwelling... You know how much I want out, so, I don't know if this is You or if it's me simply wanting it so terribly bad that I think it is You. So; I am going to ask again...

     Then, as if God might be hard of hearing or somehow might have misunderstood my question, I – slowly and with great diction – asked, Will... You... Deliver... Me... At... This... Parole... Process..."

     Again, before I could completely get the word process out of my mouth; I WILL!

     I started to shake... Could this really be God?!

     I was excited and almost in tears, but I still did not really believe that this was not me wanting it so badly that I was answering my own question and attributing it to God. So, I continued my prayer:

     Oh God! I want so much to believe this is You and I do believe; I do know that you can deliver me, but – like the father of the child the disciples could not cast the demons out of – You are going to have to "help thou me with my unbelief..." (Mark 9:24).

     Forgive me, Father, but I am going to need confirmation that this is really from You... Like doubting Thomas, I am going to have to reach into your side and put my fingers into the nail holes (John 20:27)... I want this so badly that I do not know if it is You or Me... Forgive me for my unbelief, but I am going to have to have confirmation...

     And Lord? You know that I'm kind of dense. You know that I'm a little stupid where you are concerned... You know that I tend to completely miss the things you'd have me do, often until I have already messed things up... or missed the opportunity.

     Oh God, if this really is you, you are going to have to provide me with confirmation and, when you do, please do it in such a way that I will know for sure that it comes from you and that I understand your answer...

     I have learned to sincerely thank and praise you in all circumstances – both good and bad (1 Thessalonians 5:18) – knowing that you work all things to the good to them that love you and are the called according to your purpose (Romans 8:28).

     If it is you, I praise your Holy Name... If I had ten-thousand tongues, I could not praise you enough and I will witness this miracle you have done to anyone and everyone that will listen  –– both here and in the freeworld.

     If, on the other hand, this is me simply thinking it is you, confirm it and, still, I will praise you for as long as I am here...

     I will praise you for as long as I live, either way it goes –– But I need confirmation and I need you to make it clear.

     I remained silent for a time, awash in this extraordinary experience with God. I took some deep breaths and then felt almost compelled to ask God:

     What about my Brother, John Jones, Lord? Are you going to deliver my Brother? Are you going to deliver John from his two life-sentences???

     His answer was as immediate and certain as He had answered for my situation... I WILL!

     This set me upon my feet... I leapt up from my knees and began to pace the cell... Excited, but strangely at peace. A calm came over me that is inexplicable, as the hope that this was really God speaking the promise of my freedom from the physical limitation of cage dwelling began to solidify, from indefinite hope, to looked-for certainty...

     Only men serving life sentences can understand the gut-wrenching forces that are brought to bear moment by moment, from without and from within, for years and decades. There is no time, no moment of wakefulness, when men serving life sentences do not have the full weight of time and survival upon them...

     There is no break in the battles of depression, and hopelessness, and uselessness, in the war comprised of men serving life sentences...

     There is no freedom from the soul-crushing weight of condemnation, of isolation, of total and complete societal rejection...